December Rain

It stopped three days ago. The rain I mean. Chaos was imminent, in the midst of endless rain. Water level rose, connections were cut off, river unable to contain the torrents anymore. It was my favorite moment. To hear nothing but the noise from the roof, from the trickling drips of water on the ground. It was as if listening to the end of transmission on the TV. The white noise, some may call it. The sound that calming, that brings you to sleep.

The rainy season is the only season when you can feel a little bit cold on your feet. The days and nights under the warmth of blanket. Or the longest nights with the one you love on the bed. It is when parts of your childhood memoirs come to surface aside of your night lullaby. It is when you look at people who are a little unfortunate and you start to have a moment of reflection, of how lucky you are, of being able to live in a house filled with ample comfort. It is when you ride your car, and see the people who have to ride their motorbikes to go to work, to commute, to fetch their kids from school - under the striking yellow raincoats.

The rain starts again. The second wave, some might say.

Perhaps, this is the perfect moment when your subtle and fragile heart will be touched by the view of how magnificent this enormous gift Allah has given. Stop thinking about the natural commotion it brings. The flood, the landslide, the losses of living sources. This perhaps will sound a little cliche to you, but in every hardship, there's a reward in the end.

ZA

You

Stop pretending that you don't miss me. You suck at being pretentious.

ZA

Tengkujuh

Rain soothes me. The curtain of falling waters from the roof, the sound it makes when it hits the ground, a few degrees colder than what you always get, the puddles of water on the street, the mist and the fogs at the hills on the way to work. Everything.

Don't hate that rain. It is one of the most perfect time to pray, to ask from Allah. Be thankful.

ZA

Sixth September Two Thousand Seven

I live half an hour 60mph car ride from the place where I work. It is a long journey indeed; I have to wake up in the wee hour so that I could get every incomplete chore in the house, done. It is hard sometimes but I prefer that way.

Yesterday, I woke up at six in the morning. Took my bath, did my prayer, cooked the Australian beef I bought two days ago with black pepper and a sprinkle of rosemary, packed everything up and off I went to my workplace. It was 7 in the morning; the air was so damp I could smell the dew.

I suddenly remembered you today, just when the sun light hit me right on my face when I drove on the freeway to my workplace. I remembered you. I didn’t think that I’ll remember you again. I thought I’ve erased you but the tiny dot of memory still unbroken it attached strongly in my mind. My eyes reddened, I wiped my tears. I wept but the scream remained silent.

How strong I am from the surface, I am nothing but a fractured fragile glass waiting to be shattered into pieces in no time inside. How long I’ve spent my time to keep abreast with my work, I am wailing to keep on breathing in my heart. How hard this has been for me to get you out of my system, it is a struggle to keep me living.

Forgive me for what I’ve done.

ZA
6th September 2007

A lot of men got fooled by women. All in the name of tenporary beauty.

ZA

Custardiology 101

‎'Custard' is a name given by nina. It was not intentional. Constant fights and arguments were pretty tiresome so I wanted to call him 'bastard'. Nina said 'no'. It was too harsh a word. So she suggested 'Custard' which is cute, and OK and does not sound condescending. So there you go, a little brief intro into Custard's history.



ZA

Afterlife

You will find your inner peace, when you know what you want inyour life. And afterlife.

ZA

Green Horn

A friend brought me over to a secluded place. The beach was huge, the sand was pristine white, the water was green and blue, and the sky was nothing short of an immaculate canvas.

No one was there except a few anglers far on the hard solid rocks. I kept silent.

"Remembering someone?"

Yes

"No"

"You lied. Still miss him eh?"

Yes

"No"

"OK. He misses you too"

Really??

"OK"

"Let's go. Lunch is up"

I don't miss you.

ZA

Unprecedent

Things might go really wrong, even when you do it perfectly right.

ZA

Teach Me How To Be Loved

My love life has been a downfall, always a downfall. Sometimes I wonder am I that bad that I don't deserved to be loved. But then I realized God has made everything so perfectly. It just us need to venture into the unknowns, so for that, I beg you, please teach me how to be loved.

Will you still be here tomorrow
Or will you leave in the dead of the night?
So your waves don't crash around me,
I'm staying one step ahead of the tide.
Will you leave me lost in my shadows
Or will you pull me into your light?
Teach me how to be loved

ZA

Yesterday

What breaks me, should break you. After all, we are humans. And as tough as human can be, we cry in the end. Otherwise, we are angels high above the sky.

Happy Birthday.

ZA

26

Life is short, make friends, hinder enemies, go see nice places, and never stop looking for someone that loves you.

ZA

Home

Before I go to sleep, I want you to know that you are not alone, because I want to make this place your home.

ZA

Unaccompanied Minor/

There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn't ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.


Meredith Grey - ‘Unaccompanied Minor/’

Beautiful Day

You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones, they are never as big as you make them out to be in your head. It’s the regular days, the ones that start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest. And today was the wedding. It was beautiful. Perfect. You never know the biggest day of your life is your biggest day, not until it’s happening. You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you’re right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there’s not enough time because you want to live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. You know, it was a beautiful day.

Grey's Anatomy

Sorry

Little did you know that things that make you happy, end up make you feel sorrow. i wish you the very best (and to myself too).

ZA

Chemisery

For the past couple of years, I worked with what I consider smart people, minus a bunch of oh-not-so-smart people and of course the lot of sheer moronic people. With these multicolors personalities, one with thought of this thing, and that another one have another thought of that thing, you know, it was a bowl of many crap ideas, but to my surprise, workable.

Minus the hair pulling, it was exciting though to see someone yelled at someone, screaming over the phone, threatening people over unmodifiable terms and conditions, finding quick solutions to problems that were not that head cracking, fighting in a cute teletubbies suit, it was a rainbow of many things!

Come over here, in my current place, people (or a person) seem(s) like having a huge problem in defining between chemical and chemistry. How trivia is that?

Chemical elements, and chemistry between two people DO mean different things. It does not coexist naturally like symbiosis interaction between moss and bark of a tree, or two different words (sound, spelling, pronunciation) that coincidentally share the same meaning.

Those two, might be derived from one same word (which surprisingly I don't fuckin give a damn) are uniquely stand by their own. Chemical elements - Potassium, Magnesium, Sulphur, Carbon, Aurum. You name it, single out from any periodic tables, then you have a CHEMICAL ELEMENT. I don't know. I maybe wrong. But I certainly know what does Chemical Element mean.

Phrases like "There's a chemical between you and me" or "Symbol for Kalium is Ca" or plethora of weird pronunciations, are like an amusement park. It injects you with a silent giggle you can't hold and in no time it bursts into laughter.

Where can you get such confident in someone who tells everyone a self humiliating joke? I don't know. I just found one, over here, in my own miserable self induced humiliation entertainment playground.

If someone asks me what on earth they are talking about, I will certainly tell them,

"They are cracking up Chemisery"


ZA

Green Light

Rain was pouring hard on the way back home yesterday. The clouds were not visible - unlike the usual day when it decided to just wash away the earth. There were no giant grey cotton candies, the only things that visible were only white blankets like a huge thick mist on top of unreachable hills. The feeling that it was going to rain was imminent, and it did fall finally.

At times like this, the only thing that was going into my mind was the moment I spent some time with you on our way back from Sugarland. The rain was as hard as this, and I thought we wouldn't see the light of day ever again. But I was wrong, we were happy the next morning having our crepe with caramelized sugar at some cafe by the road in the middle of nowhere.

You wouldn't remember because when I asked you, you told me that I was high on ice. Your selective memory was pretty impressive.

Thanks to you that you made me realized that you were not the only one that I have.

ZA

Live Forever

Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever


ZA
(I love you Liam)

Foggy Road

That flyover over the horizon is the road that I take to go to work every morning. The road is foggy, with trees left and right and further ahead, cars are rare, trucks are once in a blue moon, only kampung houses separated by field of greens, miles from one to another. Things are simple over here, cow dungs on the road and goats crossing like no one's business and people leisurely cruising on their bikes. They live by the rules, and they stand over the boundary when they know they shouldn't walk it over.

I smile when I realize that it is not the songs over the radio that make me happy - it is the mist like a huge cloud that fade the road away. As if it holds mystery at one point, and opens up for the answers a few feet later.

Life is not that simple. I can't tell what is in front of me. It is like the morning fog that swallow the road away, but once you drive forward, your direction becomes clearer.

The only thing that matters is to keep moving. Turn back when you have to. But you will lose the chance to discover what miles further might offer you.

ZA

Jumble Up

This is my pageviews. It is menial. But it's okay because I love the number of that pageviews. If you jumble it up, you will get my phone number :)

Empty Bowl

Living alone is subjective. One day you love it, the next day you hate it. I can't tell whether I love it or I hate it. I have been living on my own since the day I got my first job, which is eon ago. What I know, it sucks sometimes to heat up your leftover because there's no one home to cook you dinner.

ZA

Dubious

Things have spun out of proportion since the day I took this new job. On the day I handed my resignation letter, the world seemed so clear and fine, as if I was doing the best thing, ever in my life. The Conglomerate told me to stay, handed me a letter with a figure imprinted that I didn't ever know would exist for someone at my level. I knew it's possible, but I didn't expect it would happen to me. They called, asked to meet, asked me to stay. When I was about to say yes, Aaron came into picture, telling me that if I took the offer by The Conglomerate, then hands down I would be the stupidest person that he ever met. Decisions were wide open. Jared did not say a thing. We just sat in the meeting room, listing out all of the pros and cons, make weightage out of it, scoring and see which one wins and which one loses. When The Conglomerate topped the chart over The Company, I was so sure to stay. Jared again did not say anything except that the decision was in my hand, and he did not have any control over it.

Two weeks later, after an almost endless course of deliberate thinking, quit would be the final decision. The People knew what happened between Liam and I, so I said it's okay that if I stay, he still would be there and he still would my biggest pain in my ass. If Liam was the reason, then the whole world is cordially invited to throw shits and spit. I left because I was so sure that I had made the best decision in the longest time. Like what I said in my farewell note, I will never know until I try.

And after a couple of months on self-assume trial, regrets are budding deep in my heart. The first few weeks were hard. I took it with a grain of salt, convincing self that I was just going through the process of normal homesickness. I used to make huge decisions. But not any more. I used to be wise, but it seems that I use my brain a lot lesser now. I used to have controls over people, but I feel ordinary now.

Things have changed a lot. Away from my comfort. Away from the place that have brought me life and friends and love.

The Conglomerate is wicked. But I just miss it and it's oddities.

ZA

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

I met with the new me, almost a year ago. And it continued until today, the Eid of 2012. I wish you Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. If you happen to be in Terengganu, let me know. I'll play you host. 

ZA

That Disgusting Chup Chap Sound

If you really want to date me, start learning to chew your food with your mouth closed.

You just got your precious nine points slashed.

1/10? Try again.

Maybe not.

ZA

New Chapter

I changed my job a month ago. I moved from the serene Kuantan to the lush green Kertih. The first few days were mere a walk through a series of homesickness - how I miss the night I spent watching the moon at Kuantan Port, or the morning where I took a stroll along Balok beach, or the bustling evening at the Beserah sea produce market, or the weekend when I'd stock up my pantry from the Pasar Tani Mega. It all played in my mind, so silent, without any sound, just images each passing by when mind was unoccupied, or when things got rough and I was out of control. I just missed those so much.

But who am I kidding? Who am I fooling? I don't miss those thing. I miss you, and you and you, and you.

Oh come on. Grow up.

ZA

Written On The Wall

I had a chance to break fast with my family on the first day of Ramadhan. With two of my other siblings, and my mom and my dad. Some congregate for Eid with the families from every nook and cranny. Wouldn't it be sweeter for us to sit together for iftar, then for maghrib prayer then for tarawih later on?

I just want my life back. Like it used to be.

In the bathroom. Early in the morning. Where memories all saved on the wall

Drained

This new job is pretty demanding.

I miss Liam

ZA

The Goods, The Bads and The Hopes

Months and years fool us to believe that they are winding and long, but have not we realized that when we enjoy the moments we have in hands, the time passes so fast just like riding in an electric train, where scenes change and morph into something new, so instantaneous, gone in a blink of an eye.  

One month shy, and the five-year journey seems so short, and it felt like yesterday when I sat in a room facing three unfamiliar faces asking awkward questions. The question of why I got accepted is still wrapped in its own mystery, and truth be told, how pathetic this would sound, I thought I did not deserve a place here. But I was wrong, most of the times. Two months later, I was here, this new cocoon, this place that has changed my life forever. 

This place stores thousands of surprises. It is like the playground where kids laugh, and run, and hide, and push one down, and throw banters, and make jokes, and cry, and sod, and yell, and of course this is the place where kids just being kids. This is the place where those kids have their high-low on their seesaw, feel on top of the world on their swingset, get dizzy on merry-go-round, being soaked in adrenaline down the slide, get confused and trapped in the maze, make their dream castles in the sandbox, and for once, feel their feet of the ground hanging by the monkey bar. They get so happy and mad and upset and jolly and excited - but in the end, when the sun descends over the horizon, the only place they would go is their home.
  
This is my playground, where I have met a lot of persons beyond colleagues, friends that were there for you when you need them the most. Friends that would lend you their shoulders when you run out of tissue to cry on. Friends that would laugh even at your lamest jokes. Friends that would slap you on your face when you walk out of the boundary. Friends that would dispense you advice like they are the most expensive shrinks on the world. Friends that would listen to your crappiest stories even they have their share of crappy day as well. Friends that would rather die than being the rat spilling your darkest secret.

So this is it, the road that I have walked meets to an end. At this particular point- where once it was a straight unwinding road, where it once just thorns and potholes on the ground, where there were times when flowers of many colors bloomed and accompanied me with it's faint summery scent - now just a point for you to take a deep breath, think and decide. It's an intersection of choice, either to walk straight, head held up high, no turning back. Or either turn left, or right, head held up high, smile, and no turning back. Where it once sweet scents and comfort breeze blew you up on your face, now it may bone shattering cold snow, or perhaps scalding hot draught. The thing is, you will never know until you try. 

So thank you, thank you and thank you. I can't thank you enough, I can't feel sorry for running out of words to thank you either. This place turns me, changes me, makes me someone else. So bosses and friends, I can't tell how much I owe you guys. And accept my apologies for my misdeeds and wrongdoings, I am sorry I can't be the one you'd hoped for.  






ZA

On The Crossroad

You can't choose. But you can't stay. It is in between being nice, or being cold.

I used to make decisions. I can't right now.

ZA

OL

It has been a journey of ups and mostly downs with The Conglomerate. And I believe this is the time for me to move on. Part of me tried to reason with the disastrous episode between me, Liam and Custard, and with any other alphabetical muses that I have been using all this while. Another part of me wants to leave behind all this catastrophe moments, that by putting it away, I will be able to forget.

Sometimes it is the case, and most of the times, it is not. A scar remains where it is. It won't heal. It just won't go away.

This is perhaps a giant shark that I'm leaving, but the small dolphin over there promises me with more sweet rides later on.

I buy sweet promises. Easily.

ZA

Him

I took this picture when I was somewhere Asia during my weekend getaway. Can I have you tonight? :)

ZA

GPP

My deepest condolences to the family of the demised of the PETRONAS GPP3 explosion tragedy this afternoon. What had happened was tragic and a permanent scar to the current system of safety standard that they practice right now.

As what I always tell to my subordinate
'Think safety, work safely. Because simply you don't have another life to spare'

ZA

Bonjour

It's always the moment on the way back home, looking at the tarmac of the runway slowly transforms into a breadth of greens and tiny squares of crops; got amazed by the clouds that engulf the pinnacles of unknown mountains, feeling so unsatisfied by the temporary view of beauty when all of a sudden all you can see outside the tiny window is nothing but an endless white canvas. And you touch the tempered glass, and you feel it by your little fingers, and it is so cold as if it is being soaked in iced water, and when the frosts start to emerge like a sprawl of tiny fractures on a mirror, you start to smile because you know there is nothing wrong about going home.

About going back to the ground you used to dance on, about being mad in an infinite loop of crazy traffic jam, about speaking in the language you grow up with, about waiting in line to buy a cheap meal at the pedestrian, about gazing at the smiles of familiar yet unknown faces, about talking trash with your friends about a friend who is about to get married, and definitely about being yourself at your own country. There is certainly nothing wrong about going back home.

And it is always a feast to grow the anticipation in you stomach, like the nervousness before being called to sing on a stage on the last day of your junior high; or when you about to get your first kiss by the one you hopelessly fall in love with - it is so close, yet feels so far. And when your mind being so occupied with the good things there right at home, the time flies unnoticed. Just like when you listen to the music that you love, in contrast to sitting alone in a room with nothing but four-wall so rustic it almost grimy.

The voice of the lead stewardess that always the one what will break the endless, infinite time continuum. As if a kid being shoved with a lollipop, so jolly, so happy, so can't wait to get back home. I know this may sound cliche, but as what Janus said in his letter,

This may all sound rather trite and clichéd to you, but I will remind you that expressions only become clichés through over use, and they are only overused because of their truth value. The truth, in the end, is often trite.

Hello Malaysia

ZA

Spring Cleaning

I wasn't there and I didn't know what happened, so I don't reserve any rights at all to judge.

ZA

Confusion

Even if you try to be happy, you still end up being alone.
Your eyes tell very well.

ZA

A Little Walk

When Liam and I were still together, we spent most of our times on jogging. That was the only way out on Saturday and Sunday morning, when Sarrah was still fast asleep in the bedroom, couldn't care less of Liam's whereabouts, couldn't care less what they would have for breakfast, couldn't care less because she knew that he'd do it alone. But the thing that she didn't know was that he went for a free Sunday saunter with me, along the quiet beach, with no other sounds except our laughters and the waves that hit the shores.

Who am I telling lies if I say that I don't miss him sometime? I still have him in my mind. Before my eyes. His voice always lingers in my ears.

I went to the port, trying to invoke some of our memories here. I recalled the moment when I asked him about some random engineering questions, and when sometimes he played dumb giving me wrong answers because I was always be delighted if I knew that I knew better than him.

And I still remember that I asked him who owned this drilling rig. He definitely did not have the answer. He did not know. I love being victorious.

It's Transocean's SEDCO 703. 

ZA 

Because You Won't Understand

I realized one thing this morning - I didn't spend much time any more on writing. Just like these little white balls that grow so fondly of the shade from the hot sun in front of my porch.

At one time you wish that you can tell everything that you want. And at another time, you wish nothing has been told to anyone.

Such contradiction puts you in confusion. And when you're lost in confusion, no matter how much is going around you, you're still alone.

ZA

Moon

It is indeed a beautiful night tonight. When I come back from a long tiring journey, I always peek outside my window. And these trees always calm me down. Always.

ZA

Cast Away

The journey was long. From Kuala Lumpur to New York to Atlanta. So Aaron and I did a lot of talking - about Liam

ZA

Incognito

I want to grab your head, put it closer to mine, and blow you with my wet kiss.
Whenever I can.

ZA

Detour

These past few days have been crazy. I live in between flights, hopping from one plane to another. Every short opportunity at the hotels were used to check emails, perfecting spreadsheets, and for a short less-than-5-hours sleep before boarding for the next flight to god-knows-where.

Tiring it is, and I feel like I am losing my feet sometimes. But this makes me forget Custard and Liam. I think that should be okay.

An aching foot is 1 million times better than an aching heart.

ZA

Losing Ground

Tim cook looks like a loser when delivering his keynote for the new iPad. Anyway, a loser like him runs the most valuable company on earth, while me, a gazillion years a loser than him, sitting on my chair, staring at him, wishing that i can be like him someday. How much loser can it be?

ZA

Tulips

Aaron is cold, and sweet, and bland, and at times a tad too sour. Like a layer of flavor in a lollipop. Colorful outside, unpredictable inside.

ZA

Somebody That I Used To Know

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Dinner Tonight

When Custard and I were still together, there were nights when I cooked him his favorite dishes because the best thing that I could get from him was his smile gleaming with happiness upon opening up the container that I brought to him.
The one that he loved the most was my homemade beef burger with dollops of dijon mustard, thick cheese and fresh butterhead salad.
I shouldn't have a thought about him, should I?

Good night

ZA

Five Times One

My blog has never been famous. Traffic on average of 4 page views in a day.
But I am absolutely happy with the number that appeared on my dashboard today. There are people out there who helped me made it.

I am celebrating 11111 day today.

Happy 11111 Day everybody!

ZA

Glances

You said to keep on smiling because that made me special.

Thank you

ZA

Just Now

Sad that you have lost your interest in enjoying life. Sad that you are fucked up and you don't realized like a fucked up person. You a fucked up man. Seriously fucked up.

You should've known in the first place.

ZA

Pie

When I reached there, the road was barren - it was so long and deserted, the end of the road was a tiny dot from an infinite perspective. Reality is like a bed of roses - the petals are so red, but there are thorns that will make you crazy. A week ago, I received a notification from Facebook telling me that Custard wanted to befriend me - once again. It took me three days before I hit that Confirm button. Never thought it would be easy, I knew that, but I didn't want to hold grudges in my life. Why should I keep the personal vendetta when there are too much hatreds already in the world? So the old stories flooded back in, like a tsunami of memories, swept through from the ocean floor up to the highest waves. I befriended him for two days before I removed him from my friend's list. One does not befriend her ex, I told myself. But that just another excuse to make myself feel better. I tell that later.

So it was Sunday, the second week of February. Memories are everywhere, from the Club Med to the secluded beach that I reigned territory before. I just had to run away, I just had to forget, I just had to dissolve myself into a relaxing Sunday, the normal Sunday that most normal people do. This place has been my hideout. I jogged here, I slept here, I screamed here, I drew here, I wrote my entry here, I had my lunch here, I once dated Custard here, I once had my happy moment with Liam here. Of any other places that I had been, this is the place where I found my solace.

For once, I got to see how almost clear the sky was, how blue was the ocean, how pretty the clouds in front of the blue canvas, how free the white seagulls were looking for the fish in the open sea, how asymmetrical the rocks that crashed the wave.

For once I got to open my camping chair, sit down, and forget. And for once, after many weeks of struggle, I get to plan what's for lunch tomorrow. I know it won't be Shepherd's Pie.

ZA

Going Stealth

True. You are being constraint in your own thoughts, and you dwell too much on it, and you think you are right all the time. Sad that you have lost a few good moments cherishing what you are doing and what you have done.

ZA

Move On!

I don't cling to past memories (well, sometimes), that's why I changed my blogger template. I care not if you hate it, but I love it.

ZA

Hidden

Don't google me. Zubaidah Arshad is only my pen name.

ZA

An Ex

It all turned mundane since the day he came back from Hungary. It wasn't quite the same. I didn't attend to his requests, I didn't go to his table for nothing, I answered his questions with hums, it spun like in a spiral of time. Of when you know things wouldn't get better anymore, and you wanted to end this up because you have wakened up from your day dream that this was all wrong, and all you ever wished that this never happened.

To whom should you place your blame when all those sweet time are now nothing but a stretch of awkward silence and stale conversations? I caught his glimpse once in a while, but that's all, nothing major. Surprisingly after two months, things are getting better between us. No feelings involved, and we don't go jog out together anymore. There's a lot of sayings that you couldn't befriend your ex, well, it is true. And I am stand by it. Why should go befriend someone that used to make you feel special? Certainly there will be a lot of unresolved things, something that you have been holding on for quite a long time and you couldn't find a right moment to tell all of that because all this while you have been dodging and ducking under the table not wanting to bring up the old memories back?

People around me realized that, that there is no more nudging, poking, stupid jokes, banters that he used to throw at me. Stupid me if I don't realize that, but I am happy he is acting that way because I believe that is the way it supposed to be.

I was wrong in the first place, and he has been wrong all this while. It is true that our eyes are being blinded when we are in love, the sights were blocked by the confetti of stupid emotional feelings, our senses were grayed by the temporary happiness it gave. When it was over, I had a good look at him, and then I saw what I didn't see when I was so affectionate by his artificial love. Well, let's that buried with all the times that have been wasted spent on him.

Now we are moving, and we are colleagues. We work together, as if nothing ever happened between us. We couldn't tell lies that it happened. But at least we tried.

And the strive is showing some results. I don't know if I should feel happy.


ZA 

It's Okay

Too long been gone makes you being forgotten.

I need my black umbrella. It's raining cats and dogs outside.

ZA

I Love How We Can Be Humans Sometimes

Forget hatred, let off your vendetta, loosen your muscles, and just smile.

I love it when we can be humans sometimes.

ZA

KL

Imagining things would go the way that I dreamt. And laughing to the old jokes that make who am I.

This can go on so long that it will never end. It just that we do not give it a chance to grow. It just that life is much easier that way.

Perhaps this comfort you live in make you forget?


ZA

It May Take Some Time, But I Am Absolutely Recovering