Kuala Lumpur

A few days shy to a month. It will be tomorrow. And I think I am ready to drive back to Kuala Lumpur, maneuvering on the many potholes through many sluggish motorcars, inhaling thick fume from the trucks, smiling on the living puppeteers strolling by the street.

Three days can't be short enough for a little reunion.

It's better if it's four right?

Oohh Human, can't be thankful enough.

My Own Beach

I was at one secluded beach near Cherating. The beach was great, with pristine white sand, clear blue water, pine trees all along the beach, and the most important thing, no one there. Finally I found my own beach.

I opened up my chair, and start reading all the unfinished lines in the book. The horizon was far, and blue, and clear just like the sky with an eagle sprawling it's wings eying for defenseless preys down there, flying in circle, marking it's territory.

With all these vivid details, all of a sudden, images of you and me came so clear, it played continuously with no stop button. What with the smell of wet sand, and the sound of splashing waves, and the trail of mini crabs brought such thousand of memories. Kind of memories I would like to deny to admit that I had experienced it, and reminiscing these things was like a painful jab of love antidote, healing but leaving scars.

Then out of nowhere, I grabbed my phone, and I text you.

"I'm at Pantai Cherating. Alone. All of a sudden, I'm thinking of you"

A reply.

"Puasa puasa pun pergi bercuti ke?"



Owh thanks. That's so insensitive of you. Huh!

Just Because I Can't

It was windy.

No.

It was breezy actually. Kind of comforting dynamic air that elleviated from the differential pressure on the open sea. Talking about hot air and cold air and how did it spin, following the law of physics and oceanology. Or whatever terms they used. On the far horizon, there were splashes of multicolor lightnings, shielded at the back of clouds, radiating colors from different spectrum, giving the chill over the spine that hurricane might come in no time. The thoughts of what was going to happen to the sailors in the open sea, to the fishers who were scraping money from the giant death trap, to the people who were afloat guardless and of course, helpless waiting for a rescue, that might or might not come over.

And it was hundreds of miles away. And in front of her eyes were the sprawl of various delicious delicacies waiting to be consumed that very moment. And the scenery was so comforting, and the breezy air almost put her into a delusional state, melting her into sleep. Too many things went through her head these days, yet times were so short and she did not like to be in this situation.

The soup was still hot. The vapor rose up to her eye level, and she inhaled and she smelled heaven. The soup was so good, everything was balanced to the 5-star perfection.

Then there was the call. On the caller ID was a familiar name.

Big Sis.

"Assalamualaikum. I just got the report from the lab. Mom's kidneys are facing some complications. I need her to be admitted to the hospital"

Time stopped.

Ibu..

Aku, Kau dan Lorong Gelap

Sekarang aku buntu, kalau kalau ada perkataan lain yang mampu ekpresikan perasaan aku ketika ini, aku agak kurios untuk tahu. Semuanya bagaikan garisan cahaya komet yang bergerak tanpa paksi dan akhirnya menumpu ke satu titik. Titik Buntu.

Kadang kala aku fikir serabut kepala itu bagaikan wonder, seolah olah kejadian aneh yang deskripsinya terlalu kompleks, tiada jawapan kepada penceritaan yang kucar kacir, dan tiada persoalan kerana jawapan itu sendiri membangkitkan lebih banyak soalan dari jawapan yang sepatutnya. Seperti apa yang aku alami ketika ini. Rumit, sukar, incomprehensible.

Aku dongak ke atas dan sawang berkeliaran kacau bilau di antara empat dinding yang simetrikal. Aku pandang ke depan dan dinding simen keras nampak kotor dengan kesan double sided ditinggalkan orang lama. Kanan, katil bersama bolster putih dan kotak seterika.

Kalau itu semua mampu memberikan aku ketenangan sementara, aku thankful sebab sekurang kurangnya serabut kepala kurang, pergi bersama angin panas dari kipas meja.

Tapi aku sesekali tidak inginkan temporary serenity. Minda rasa cool untuk sementara bagaikan tiada fungsi. Sekurang kurangnya berikanlah aku sedikit masa untuk membersihkan hati.

Bukan literally. Spiritually itu mungkin. Aku masih mencari cari. Ruang ini gelap. Tiada katil bersama bolster, tiada sawang kelabu asap. Sampai bila aku akan bersedia? Sedia atau tidak, itu cerita lain, yang penting nanti akan tiba masa.

Kau, aku, pemain gitar solo di Masjid India, perenang bersama seluar dalam Speedo, imam berjanggut putih, bertanda dahi.

Semua sekali. Even makcik tea lady India di tempat aku.

Kalau malam ini adalah detiknya, aku pada hakikatnya tidak bersedia. Walaupun Dia berkata sudah tiba masa...

I Don't Want To Be A Jerk

I wish I can do what I love, like what Farid Ibrahim pursues.

I am sprawling a business plan with a best friend. See what will happen next.

Going Back Home

Having to look at a mug upside down, with the stripes of red and green on the table, layered by a paper tissue, reminds me of how my life looks like right now.

The upside down, the ups and downs, the green lines of uncertainty and the red lines of longing to go back to where I belong.

And there's a tissue to weep the tears dripping from my eyes.

Adapting

Adapting to a new life is never easy.

New faces, new food, new culture.

Adapting is never this hard.

34 Degrees

Groggy and grumpy. This bitch needs a rest.

And certainly not under the hot sun.

-

It is half past four. In the morning. You read me correct, no correction needs to be implied. I don't jiggle my butt as much as I did when I was a hot (as if), nocturnal cooky creature many yonks back. I used to hit every club, I used to say hi to men I'd love to drive back, I used to spew sweet words weaved with my sweet fragrance to lure men back home.

Well, time passes that fast and it is like yesterday that I walked down the street eyeing gorgeous strappy lads in their fanciest jeans and shirts, flock inside multimillion cars and drove away in the coldness of early morning. And it is like yesterday that the race between Trish and I on how many drinks we could get from different men in a night.

It was wild. And fun.

And I have to say the essence of that joy and the wildness is noncomparable. You know, like the famous saying "Good old days". This term does not fit my night tonight.

Bland. Boring. Plain normal. Infants.

Well, those things apparently sum up my experience. Please nerds and geeks, I need you to invent time machine ASAP!