This picture was taken on the top of the hill at Old Town Ibiza. The day was beautiful and sunny. The people too. Can’t say that I miss a place so much like I miss Ibiza.
It was an odd day. Maybe it was because the clouds looked different or because I wore mismatched socks. I’m not really sure. I stood in front of Shay, the room smelling slightly of old books and maybe a bit of lemon cleaner. Shay had a beard that seemed like it hadn’t been brushed for days, but it made him look interesting, not messy. It reminded me of the scruffy dog I once saw at the park. We were supposed to chat about usual things, maybe the new movie or the book I was reading. But my mouth had its own plan. I told Shay the biggest secret I had, the one that had been piling up inside me like lego bricks. The secret about how I felt about him. He looked surprised, like when someone gives you a present on a day that’s not your birthday. For a really long time, he just stood there. The old clock on the wall kept ticking, and a bird outside the window was singing, probably to another bird. Then, Shay finally talked. “You know, I always thought secrets were like lost socks. They’re hidd
You make me happy, do you know that? How so? Your existence, your breath, your caramel hair against the morning sun, your porcelain skin against mine, your squinty eyes when you're being naughty, the way your fingers slowly crawl on my face. What else? Your smile. Your perfect teeth. Your little dance in the kitchen. The way you stand. The way you walk. Little silly things you say when you have your first coffee of the day. You make me happy too. How so? You. You by being you. You make me happy.
Couldn’t help myself but to stare at last year’s Eid photo. Doesn’t want to sound sappy nor despondent, but this is how I plunge into the celebratory eve of Eid. The lemang was nothing but thick blocks of salty gooey carbs; the rendang was a pot of runny distasteful disappointment; and home is a vault of silence with unperturbed partitions of messes. My head spins with distress, annoyance, troubles, problems, whatever there is. They say, tonight is the moment of reflection, when you sit down, pat yourself at the back for passing through the 30 days of self abstain. Did I fast good enough? Sure I fasted more days than when I was 10. Did I win the fight? It was more like carrot and stick, where my uncontrolled self chasing the carrot to no end. Have I tried my best? More often than not, I have not. Have I tried to mend the fences? Your guess is as good as mine, I have not. Have I tried to man up and admit my mistakes? No I have not, but I stood by my decisions even though it is wrong.
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