Monday, July 13, 2009

In Your Control

But he's there in the dark
He's there in my heart
He waits in the wind
He's got to play a part
Trouble is a friend
of mine

So don't be alarmed
If he takes you by the arm
I won't let him win
But I'm a sucker for his charm

How I hate the way he makes me feel....

Trouble is a friend of mine

Lenka, 2008




I hate you. And no thanks for driving me loony.

Monday, July 06, 2009

If You Say So

I left a guy here in Malaysia when I moved to Tucson.

He said that I was never tried to keep in touch with him.

I told him that he was being dismissive on my very last days here in Malaysia.

He did not reply.

I just don't know how to please you anymore, honey.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

If Love Has Been This Sweet

I will definitely crave for more.

This is love I'm talking about. This sounds so serious, doesn't it? Of course, love means losing someone you love, and still he has no one to lose for.

Come, hug me. I'll take you to the world where hate doesn't exist, and love pours from the fountain of wine.

Kisses from Chiang Mai,
ZA

Mondays

It had been any normal day it could be, normal Monday one might presume as hectic yet comforting, with mediocre songs from houses afar filled the air, so solemn and so mild, it complemented the breezy dry wind of May, brought together pollens from almost decomposed weeds, and quiet and serene at the same time. So bizarre, it made a normal Monday, Monday that had been the way it was since he came over here, the day when he thought he had made an impeccable choice ever in his life.

But that Monday came to a surprise as an abnormal Monday, the Monday he would cherish for the rest of his life, perhaps. For the past a year and a half, the quest had been tiring, exhausting, and his entire saving once reached zero, forcing him to regain back the money into the account, setting himself for another quest, with a single goal, so close yet so far to get in hand.

All these years, he had wiped many shit smeared asses with his bare hands, trying to make a living. A company filled with humongous parasites, with teeth long enough it stretched down to their limbs, tongues in pale pink like a cobra, eyes bloodshot red, words coming from their mouth were so poisonous you had to cover your ears not to elude with their requests. Of course dragons were not the ‘thing’ he was referring to, more like a parade of men in their crisp white stripy shirts, in their fanciest fragrances, shield with orders of incomprehensible.

Once, he had forced himself to be a tad dismissive, ignoring their orders like the smell of rotten pig, stink like hell but once inhaled, it made you wanted to puke, but remained unharmed. What else he could do other than listening and taking orders, for which he was employed to be someone he has been designed to be, just like now?

He had never liked this idea, of him designated as Engineer on paper, but an ass by nature. So many tasks (which he did not really care) yet so little time. The pay was good, more than what he bargained when he passed the fourth stage of the interview (yes it was that hard!), the colleagues were freaking nice more than he expected, but when it came to the management level, he loathed them with all his heart.

There were times when he tried to console himself by composing stories of unlikely, like They are the bosses, and I am the pig. Just swallow it, bitch. Or even If I were the boss, I would do the same too. And that strings of words had been his motivation, when the anger struck, these words appeared out of thin air, stuck in his head. Then he swallowed it all hard, like a slump in a narrow throat. And resumed his job like it was nothing. Nothing happened. Just an order from a superior that he respected so much.

He laughed.

It is all history. Like Hitler, or MJ, or Prince Diana, or Heath Ledger. They had gone, buried down there under tonnes of dirt, but the legacy remains. The talks continue.

Well, maybe he would not be one of those icons, carving the history with block of letters comprised of their names, but at least he had made his own history. Of not falling back to the dark pit that almost set his life into perish. Of being able to walk out from this tunnel of no end.
An almost familiar number flashed on the screen.

“Hi, can I speak to Mr. Farid Ibrahim?”
“You got him”
“blablablablabla successful blablabla start work blablablabla salary USD12200 blablabla”

He smiled. He had paved the way out from the hell and he positively believed that he had carved his own history. Though he would be another pig in a new company, he cared less. The money they splurged on him was astronomically better than what he earned here.

He wrote a letter.

Dear Sir,
I quit.

Best of luck!
Farid I

His mom once said, Do what you love and the money will flow in. He did not love this, but the money flowed in. So fuck it.

I am free.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I Will Make Him Love Me

I will. Whatever costs it'll take.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

East India

11pm. I was waiting for the call to board on plane. To fill up the time, I browsed for perfumes and lotions at the departure hall, thinking of stocking up my almost depleted perfumes. Burberry Classic For Women was the one I looked for apart from Paco Rabanne One Million. That Paco specifically for someone special, the one that keeps on haunting me up until now. Rejection period? Hell no.

When I was talking to one of the Sales Assistants, an Irish woman (I guess) in her mid-30, with wavy floral dress walked towards me, stopped a few inches away giving a look, kind of look that makes you uneasy.

She asked me "Which designer is this?" while pointing to a tote on my shoulder. In return, I said that it was a cheap cheap bag I bought in Malaysia and it was from East India. It cost me less than 15 quid.

Giving this information, she was surprised and startled in disbelief. I told her

"It's not the designer that matters the most, its the way you dress and how you pull it off"

She smiled and nodded and said thank you.

I walked a few feet to catch my flight when she called me from my back.

"Miss, how would you like your bag to be exchanged with mine?"

Ooohh I feel so fabulous!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Freeze! You are under arrest!

Dear Mr. YTL,
Thank you for your kind words the other day. I appreciate it a lot. And today you came in with a new hairstyle on you head, transforming yourself from Mr. Macho to Mr. Kid effortlessly. Just so you know, even you ditched me, I still concern about your styling, the way you look exhibit who you really are.

But whatever it is, thank you for passing me a cute look when we passed over each other just now.

I still like you, what ever the circumstances are.

Best regards,
ZA

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Cracked Lips

Slight fever. And cracked lips.

If accompanied with muscle pain and severe coughing, I may be infected with H1N1.

I hope not so.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Rejection

There is a guy that I have been eyeing for quite sometimes. Last Saturday, feeling confident, I sent him a message on Facebook.

He replied with a positive note, stating here and there. And then I replied back, feeling jovial it could be seen on my writings.

Then it was a silent. He did not reply me until today.

I think I have just got rejected.

The Neighbor

I have a neighbor. I do not mean that I have ONLY a neighbor, in fact I have loads of neigbors around. Left and right, front and back.

The only neighbor that I fond enough is the one who lives at the right side of my house. I do not particularly know his name, but suffice to say that I like him. The kind of like that makes you wake up from your couch and pause the DVD on play, peek through your curtain and gaze down to his porch. That kind of fond.

I do not mean to be a homewrecker but that is what most of my friends would say if I develop the interest to someone's husband. To put it in a simpler way, I like them because they are matured enough to take care a fragile biscuit like me.

Well, curiosity leads you to a little Sherlock Holmes games I might say. So I inquired Shane The Hamster about The Neighbor, just for the sake of data collection. Shane The Hamster was reluctant to give me any details (just trace back my history of turning a family into a broken home), but then after a little chit chat over here and over there, baiting him that I wanted to know more about my neighbors, then he spilled over.

The Neighbor apparently owns an engineering company, specializes in what, is I don't really care. See, he's an engineer, so do I. The chemistry is already there, we just need time to make it to react. The Neighbor's Wife is a government servant, must be in a very high position because she drives quite a fancy car. Maybe The Neighbor splurged on her, but I doubt that though. The Kids are so beautiful, and the new offspring just bursted out from The Neighbor's Wife belly.

In the morning when The Neighbor's Wife set to go to work, so do The Neighbor bid his obligatory goodbye to The Kids. He usually shirtless and that sends some smoke signals saying "Hey look at my body, spinster".

The constant parade of his shirtless form, is my eyes exercise every morning. The Neighbor doesn't have that perfect washboard torso, just nice as a married man.

I am still stalking him.

Well, maybe I am not made for him, but a Hi is enough already.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Creative Juice

I have lost my funny and creative bone.

Fuck I need it Back ASAP

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Rat

Singular. One sick annoying rat. That it is so hazardous it kills you in second.

I wonder what if it marries another sick annoying rat?

A herd of sick annoying rats bred from two sick annoying rats.

Sewer pipe rats can never be Hamsters.

Though how much body foam they use.