Thought that distance would draw us apart, but in fact it got us closer. At least I have someone to listen to my grunts and rantings, and endless prattle. Someone that would just listen, and play along, and made you feel, your thoughts being heard in the end.
Tried to talk to some best friends, but best friends refuted. Perhaps they were busy. In fact, one even said that 'I have a life here tho', so it was a clear remark that I should stop bugging someone who didn't even want to listen. Who would've wanted to sleep at 3 in the morning just to get along with my never ending chat in Whatsapp? Karl did. Thanks Karl.
So when he didn't reply to my text today, I got a little pissed off. What? Does the love bug now biting my ass?
Don't. Please don't.
It was a defining moment when you tried to look for someone who understood you the most, the one who wouldn't even give the judgmental shrug. I trusted you. Unfortunately you took it for granted.
Sometime, somewhere, somehow, you have to accept that not everyone is that open. Every person on this earth has this tiny space that makes them sane. Don't take that away, perhaps that is the last thing they are holding onto.
I want you to think about that. Just that.
Anyway, again, nothing has changed. It's only I don't live in Malaysia anymore.
Just so you know.
"how do you know when you are in love?"
"you ask the wrong person. i don't know"
"how do you know that you love me? how can you tell that this isn't temporary affection or the needs to fill the voids from all the untold solitudes?"
"why are you asking me all this nonsense?"
"give me answers. i need to know whether you really love me"
"so tell me, how do you know that you are actually in love with me?"
"i know it. because everytime i think about you, moths and butterflies roam inside my belly. when you told me you're sick, i am sick with worries. when you say you can't lie still because my image stuck in your brain, i got smiles plastered on my face for the whole day. it seems everything gets unsettled. everything seems like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle- there's a hole with a missing piece and that fucking little piece is you."
"you know how does someone fall in love with someone?"
"how? tell me"
"when you hear her name, your eyes gleamer. thats how you know when someone loves someone.
unfortunately, i can't see it in you"
25 Oct 2013
Excuses. It can be represented in million ways. What were your excuses for today?
Mom called just now, asking me whether I still wanted to work in the Middle East. I said Yes. And there was a deliberate pregnant pause. I told her that we will talk about this when I'm home for Eid. She said Okay. But it was monotonous and weak and dry.
The thing is, I had spent a hefty sum of my life living outside Malaysia. She sees me often, but not for long. And now, when this chance kicks in, I couldn't say no because I want this so badly and I have waited long enough, almost gave up.
I think she doesn't want to let me go.