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Little Windmill from Amsterdam

In the real world, I am such a powerful figure among my colleagues. I make multimillion decisions, I directed a number of employees, I am the elusive strong white collar woman.

But there are things a woman can't do. Albeit a handful of arguments about the gender equality, we fail to admit that a woman can't do everything at all. Beside a successful man, there's a woman beside him. But don't you agree that beside a successful woman, there's supposed to be a man behind her?

There are four burned out light bulbs in my bedroom and today, after returning home from work, I found my bathroom was flooded with hot water. Turned out, the hot water fitting was broken. As I'm writing this, I can hear clearly the distant sound of water dripping from the bathroom. 

I can call a number right away to fix these trivia stuff, but would I ever call some stranger if there's a man standing by my side?

You know what, the proverb Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover has the best underlying meaning of all. People see me shiny, gleaming with smile from the outside, but do they have any idea what is happening beneath the closed doors?



The Buainain

You remind me a lot of Shay. Your look, your physique, your smile, your manicured beard, your mustache, your voice, the way you talk, your height. Everything.

Shay has been gone for two months now. I don't know whether he will come back or be gone forever. You come in at the exactly perfect time.

It hurts me a bit that I have to forget you and replace with someone that looks just like you.



Last Night

Your smell lingers on my bed, on my pants, on the chair that you sat, on every book that you touched. Everywhere.

Admit it. You come over, leave your scent and left just to break my heart.



"What are you going to do for the weekend?"
"Nothing. Most probably studying for my exam"
"Let's go eat sushi. Do you eat sushi?"
"Yes I do eat sushi. But where?"
"Al Khobar"
"Al Khobar? No no no no. I have to muggle up for my exam"

He looked me deep into my eyes.

"Give me one week. Then you can take me wherever you want to. Even to the moon"
"Seriously. Anywhere"

We locked our little fingers and he smiled.



Little Black Book

"Don't you hate him for what he had done to you?"
"A tiny bit. But being wiped out by his smile"
"Are you dumb or something? Never in my life I see someone so brainless as you. After all the shits that you've been through, you still get over the moon by his fucking smile?"
"I do. That's what love does to you. It puts your sanity at the cliff. Either you stay on the edge worrying to fall down or just jump down and being crazy"




It was like running straight into Jeremiah. His scruffy curly hair, his lazy eyes, his running-down-to-mustache kind of beard, his faint smile, even the way that he stole his look to me.

It was like witnessing Jeremiah came back to life. As if the wrecked Chevy that tumbled into the sideway of Highway 1didn't leave him any scratch.

And if what I saw was the incidental reincarnation of Jeremiah, I think the rebirth did go wrong. At least Jeremiah wouldn't jump into the line and pretended that he came first. Jeremiah was the definition of a true gentleman, and a gentleman stays true to himself without even trying to be a jerk.

Jeremiah look alike was not the best thing I have to have today. It's exactly like a moment when you are almost fell asleep and got woken up by the tingling sensation for a pee.

Jeremiah look alike is that pee. And he pretty pissed me off.



It was the longest one hour I had to endure in my entire adult life. It was the wait for something that would not happen. It was the wait for someone that would not come.

I should've listened to my guts. Men are all good at words, twist it, play with it. With flair.

It was the one hour that I felt I had turned myself into a joker.

I was fooled. By a man. Once again.




And I wish I can talk to someone who understands.