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28.8.12

Dubious

Things have spun out of proportion since the day I took this new job. On the day I handed my resignation letter, the world seemed so clear and fine, as if I was doing the best thing, ever in my life. The Conglomerate told me to stay, handed me a letter with a figure imprinted that I didn't ever know would exist for someone at my level. I knew it's possible, but I didn't expect it would happen to me. They called, asked to meet, asked me to stay. When I was about to say yes, Aaron came into picture, telling me that if I took the offer by The Conglomerate, then hands down I would be the stupidest person that he ever met. Decisions were wide open. Jared did not say a thing. We just sat in the meeting room, listing out all of the pros and cons, make weightage out of it, scoring and see which one wins and which one loses. When The Conglomerate topped the chart over The Company, I was so sure to stay. Jared again did not say anything except that the decision was in my hand, and he did not have any control over it.

Two weeks later, after an almost endless course of deliberate thinking, quit would be the final decision. The People knew what happened between Liam and I, so I said it's okay that if I stay, he still would be there and he still would my biggest pain in my ass. If Liam was the reason, then the whole world is cordially invited to throw shits and spit. I left because I was so sure that I had made the best decision in the longest time. Like what I said in my farewell note, I will never know until I try.

And after a couple of months on self-assume trial, regrets are budding deep in my heart. The first few weeks were hard. I took it with a grain of salt, convincing self that I was just going through the process of normal homesickness. I used to make huge decisions. But not any more. I used to be wise, but it seems that I use my brain a lot lesser now. I used to have controls over people, but I feel ordinary now.

Things have changed a lot. Away from my comfort. Away from the place that have brought me life and friends and love.

The Conglomerate is wicked. But I just miss it and it's oddities.

ZA

1 comment:

Sitiaishah Salim said...

There is no ordinary for not being in control over other people. It is a good thing.