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19.11.11

In Two Weeks Time

He will be leaving for Hungary tomorrow. With another guy. For two long weeks.

I am alone. He doesn't care about me anymore. When I sent him a text wishing him to have a safe journey, he replied with only an 'OK TQ'. Probably he was having some fun with his wife, thinking that this perhaps the longest they wouldn't see each other. In fact, I heard he told Wilson that he's going to spend the whole Saturday with Sarrah, with a little raised voice - hoping that I would hear it and making me jealous. Ironically, I did not feel a thing. It was his business with what he wanted to do with her. I was not included in the picture, and I had no business interfering with his sex and married life. He wished what he could do, then he had what he wanted to do. Wilson was naive. He did not know that Liam did that just to torture my feeling. Bravo. He executed it quite well, because I saw he took a glimpse at me when he said that.

Pretty sad that he had to do that just to grab some of my attentions. He noticed the changes in me, I thought. Because the past few weeks, I have been spending some time flirting with Kurt and Bryan. Kurt did it best when he called me 'Sayang', when he grabbed my waist in front of Liam, when he smiled the way Liam never smiled at me. Liam noticed this, and perhaps that's the reason why he smacked my butt with a roll of paper yesterday, or when he did again his signature remark of playing with my ear lobes. It all came back when Kurt paid more attention to me. It all came back when I stopped sending him emails telling him that I missed him and what not. It all came back when I kept business as business, I didn't go to his table without any solid reasons anymore, and the most important thing of all, I didn't cook his meals anymore.

And that's the reason I am having such a huge regret right now, that I wish I never sent him an email this morning. Reading back what I wrote, sent a torrent of shivers down my spine. I hope he'd delete that once he saw my name in his inbox. I really hope so.

Because if he ever tells me to fuck off, then I have no other place to go, other than to keep my face thick and pretend that this never happened.



ZA

3 comments:

little ain said...

why are you doing this? you're torturing yourself. come on.

go find someone else, and marry him. things will be okay. dont so this.

Anonymous said...

It makes no sense to be second in someone's life, when you know you're good enough to be first in someone else's. Know your worth....

Zubaidah Arshad said...

Love clouds your judgment. That was what exactly happened to me.