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7.10.11

Alone

The fact that I was pretty happy yesterday was inexplicably unexplainable. For some stupid reasons, I laughed to the banal and menial jokes, I swirled and danced to my own hums of love songs, I looked into the mirror in the washroom and amazed by the color of my eyes, I smiled to every people that I met, I take scolds and angers like a gush of breeze at the sea shore, I walked to places that I seldom stepped onto, I howled at banters like there was no tomorrow.

I could not remember the last time I felt that way, perhaps yonks ago, maybe seven or eight years ago, perhaps I never had it at all. It just this feeling came by like the sound of train from afar - you know it was coming, and it was nearing, and the pinnacle of the happiness was when it passed by you, leaving you with a stream of pass-by wind that made you forget for a while the worries you had on your shoulder, and when it's gone, all you had was nothing but a complete quietness and utter silence, making you wanting more, making you craving for more trains. Perhaps at the other platforms.

5th October 2011

I kept that in draft, trying to steal some time to write, but I couldn't. When I said it was temporary, it was indeed temporary, with nothing much to salvage on the sleeve, with almost zero hopes for another ride of joy to make you feel like somebody to someone again. Funny how these things work, funny how all these make you realize that you are alone, funny how all these stupid emotions swirl and in the end stuck in limbo. The incoherence of my emotions has made my life gone bonkers. Often I would lay on a huge rock at the berth witnessing splashes of waves being hit on the asymmetrical rock, wondering what if I were to afloat in the open sea – alone – without help. Maneuvering life unaided is perhaps the hardest thing one would forgo.But don't you think, its the beauty of shaping your own life without the undesirable intervention from unwanted parties that make your life as beauty as it is?

Pursuing things beyond normality always end up with total misery. I am trying to dodge it out, but sometimes, bullet can hit the target - bull's-eye.

ZA

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