Nina's email that I received this late afternoon was a pretty non shocker. When I posted on Facebook of what Nina had told (and apparently saw), Ed immediately made an assumption that he adopted a baby. Stitching all the events, and put them in sync, Ed's wild assumption was actually has its basis.

Liam and Sarrah have been trying for quite some time. Since they were married five (six?) years ago, there was not a single hint that Sarrah was carrying a life in her womb. They were just getting help these few months back, and I knew it because he told me, secretly. Of all the people that he trusts. I am just a stranger, not even know him well. Oh well, of all the people that he trusts, and knows.

There were times when Liam called to the office that he couldn't come because he felt unwell, and the day after when he came in, he gave us some ridiculous excuses such as 'the doctor was more than delightful to give me a day off but I refused, so I guess I just take an emergency leave instead'. When he said that, I knew that he was busy at home, doing things to make babies. To try. To make babies. And I assure you, I did feel nothing. He can do it anywhere that he wants. In the bathroom, on the tabletop, at the kitchen counters, in the garage, underneath the sofa. I don't care, because there isn't me, there isn't us.

So today when Nina broke the news, I was literally numb. I wanted to cry, but I don't have any solid reason why should I do so. I resumed my work, on public holiday, up until 9pm. I felt nothing.

Ed says that this isn't going anywhere, that even if this unknown relationship materialize, it will become another episode of me and Custard. The ending is technically the same. I am going to get stuck in a loop with no way out. The only way out, is to forget.

When I was writing this, I realized that even if I am such an important person to him, I would be nothing. And I realized that I would never be such an important person to him, because this is not about me alone.

This is about me, him, his wife, and his future babies.

That if he does not resort for adoptions.



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