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24.4.10

Heartbreak Thoughts

Investing in a relationship between two hearts may make you think it is an easy task. How hard can it be when two people are joining together mutually, and their minds intact with the affectionate love emotion they created themselves? It is awful, and it is actually, leads you to sleepless nights.

Missing the one you love is one thing, and the ability of putting yourself in control and not to annoy the other half is another different job altogether. I mean, how many times have you getting into serious relationships and deprive your emotion so badly you even choke when you mention his name? I am right now. What kind of fuckery am I putting myself now, I am not being able to tell you. Because it is hard, and it is tiring. And most of the times, it traps you red handed with a tad too many micro emotions, you can`t think logically anymore.

Every decision is biased on your fucked up mind, and most of the times, it is totally absurd. It scares you so much with a lot of `what if` questions.

What if I text him too much and he gets annoyed?

What if I miss him and I wanted to call him in the middle of the night and he gets annoyed?

What if I text him too much, and he keeps on replying me because not to hurt my feelings and all of a sudden he breaks up because he has been so tired of taking care of my feelings and I don`t even care his?

What if my plans on going to vacations with him and many other nights out turn out to be `my plans` not OUR plans?

What if he thinks I am going overboard by stealing his time with his friends when they have planned that they wanted to go for a fishing trip together?

What if he does his something that may hurt me and he doesn`t tell me and I am so pissed off that I spew him with a lot of swear words and he gets hurt and he leaves me?

I am so tired. I want to be someone that he likes. But I can`t help to think that maybe I am the only one who thinks entirely of him, while he enjoys his time and day without having even a slight thought of what I am doing over here.


Maybe, just maybe, I am thinking too much.

I think so. Because I hope, he loves me too.

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When you love someone more than he loves you, it can make you a little crazy - Teddy Altman

3 comments:

biskutkumpang said...

a sincere confession,yet it makes me think, hell people will start thinking when they read this,

phoeniznix said...

reminds me of how i felt five years ago with rafiee. i was too scared to mess anything up that i think was the reason why i messed up anyway. but he could see through the tingtong and here we are. so i'd say, be natural, be yourself and do what you feel is right. there are things you don't have to think too much because you can't control it ;)

Zubaidah Arshad said...

I am going all natural. And I was all out. And he said, he was OK with everything.

I think we both know that somehow, when one loves you, he doesn't care that much how bad you are.