It Was Not Okay, After All

"I did not mean to ruffle his feathers. I thought he would be okay with that invitation. He needed friends at that time, didn't he?"

"That would be okay if he, too, thought that that was a game you played just to get him out of the house for fresh air"

"That was my intention in the first place"

"Your action had misled him into another thought. He construed a straightforward conclusion from your gesture"

"For what I have done, and everything that I have said to him, was a mere sincere gesture for a friendship that I thought could be built for someone who needed no one but a companion close enough to let go everything that burdened his head. Such intricate judgments need not to be crossed over with whatever feeling he spared for me"

"Being lonely for such a long time does derive such behaviors. No one to talk to, and in seclusion for a couple of years is enough to be the reasoning for such acts. You don't have to be so condescending"

"He can call me whenever he wants. But that does not mean I am going to pick it up. All of my genuine honesty now flushed down the urinal bowl. If he never confessed anything, or being a tad too transparent, we might have a good evening today. Two plates of medium rare steak and two glasses of wine. Two sticks of candle. Now, he changed the atmosphere into something unidentifiable"

"You wished he never said that, didn't you?"

"As someone who was not in my shoes, you have the rights to put the blame on me. But as someone who experienced it myself, all alone, with no one to witness as an evidence to my ramblings, I refuse to take it. The blame I mean"

"I didn't say that"

"Your eyes, the wrinkles on your forehead did"

"......"

"I had enough. I have an early flight to catch tomorrow. Bye"

Him

I am smiling.

For no reason.

Crash And Burn, Almost

A week off from work was not a week off from work that I had in mind in the first place. The usual pictures of splashing waves hitting the rust-colored sand on a long stretch popular beach in the East Coast, or being soaked in the bluish water with corals blossoming on the sea bed; or maybe gazing kites in the sky chasing one another, or laid freely in the hammock, under a huge tree reading my favorite novel.

The usual pictures, that is.

I had nothing similar. Maybe one part of them was the kites on the sky. But that one was hardly visible. And the novel part was almost materialized, but minus the hammock and the huge tree.

Tent swept away by the storm? I have tasted once and second time would be no, thank you.

I have literally wasted the days people called as holidays into something painly obscure.

Better luck next time, I pray.

Long Holiday Awaits

The Conglomerate is on a long holiday. One week to be precise.

I am on my way to the beaches.

There are a lot of books to be finished. And exploring ideas. And stop thinking of him.

I Miss The Beach

I miss the beach(es).

ZA

I Just Need This Smile

This is the picture of Ameerah.

I may place a wager to have what she has.

A moment filled with pure happiness.

I envy you, Ameerah.

I Am Stuck In Between Two Fuglies

I always ponder how people love to associate 'rain' with a moment of sadness, deprivation, the time when all emotions mixed up like a bowl of cereal - stars, honeys and multicolored fruits. Each tastes differently, on how you are going to interpret that, is up to you. Each to their own.

It is rain outside. And I am in this cyber cafe. Where all people shouting to each one, fighting in a battle, brave enough to be soldiers, but alas just virtual.

See, one can be such a hero online. Angelic online persona, super gorgeous model-like torso, high fashion midget and what not.

I may not look like what you have imagined. This virtual space really makes you feel good. A few certain criteria you may not have in real.

This is the space where you can be whomever you want. And helps you, to gain back your confidence.