Strictly Personal

I view politics from multiple angles. And usually the angles I always have in my mind, positively not that aspiring or possibly the lamest opinion ever churned. At times, I can get serious and believe me politics I'm mingling right now, is down the nasty road.

Eyes that I stare everyday usually have this kind of glow that is indescribable. Sometimes they have this shine of soothing care sparkles just under the shadowy glare of them. And for uncertain times later, the fangs they hide jab you on your back. Good though should you see in flash those fangs, because you can foresee what will happen, say for the next a month or two.

However, the problem lies when they jab you off guard. Mean? Better word please, because mean is a statement way below its level. Throughout my working days as for current and for the previous companies I had served, the politics climate is too complex to understand, let alone to handle on hand. Socializing with colleagues is never a good choice to make yourself visible at your workplace. It boils down now on how you take this. And that. And those things.

Welcome to Workplace Politics, people!

Categorizing friends is hard already, but categorizing colleagues? I may say no, but I have to. This will not be disregarded as judgmental, will it? Giving trusts to people - I have to say, a super hard job. Well, I do not want to, I still have to give, because trust is the only thing that usually can keep you sane. Ever heard of paranoid? That is totally not me.

Office politics can be the nastiest type of politics ever existed on Earth. The look might be appealing, but the inside? Good Lord please hush this thing away. You may want to know, please do not get involved.

Bad for me, I have already whinged inside this web of dirty people in their dirty business. Juggling words and looks, exchanging fake thoughts and plastic smiles, all in a rate of an eye blink. Wonderful. 

One second the praises are all blooming in the air, with a faint scent of trustworthy. A quick turnaround later, white is blackened. And the happy hope fades. 

I am prone to digress. But the mud I am muddling right now is so thick it takes times to get my feet out of it. I am already in this mess and getting sick of it. I am doing the math now on how to escape, though the chance may look slim, I still put a little hope in it. A dim light at the end of a long tunnel, so to speak.

I am never good at pretending because my face is in auto pilot mode depending on what mood I'm in at a time. 

I think I have to learn to be a little soft bitch, just to make sure people do not get too much under my skin. First thought of tendering my resignation now transformed into an even nastier Office Politics complot. 

"Mr Zul, I am on with your offer"

Peeps, I am on the verge of looking for a new job. This economic crisis - I hope - turns to be a blessing in disguise.

Disturbed

My mother told me that she didn't know me.
My big brother felt upset.
My father swept his tears.

I do not know what should I feel right now.

But I am disturbed.

That is definite.

Thank You

Text #1:

I haven't gotten much done on myself these few days. Lack of sleep almost deprived me into a moment of amnesia. The pressure is so high I don't even know if I can handle this anymore

After a brief moment of uninteresting period of phone abandonment 

Text #2:

I am not saying this because I'm holding a grudge against him. Or against you. This is about taking responsibility. The way he taught me. The way Boss told me to behave. To put all the blames on my back after all these messes. We should take this pressure together

I took the phone and clutched hard. Thinking. Of a decent reply.

Text #3:

Are you suggesting that you want to blurt out to Boss about that?

He said in his text like this

Text #4:

I was just saying that we should share the pressure together. Standing firm on the ground you believe. After all, he taught me of telling the truth. Be professional!

I hate argument

Text #5:

It is up to you. It's your call. But somehow I believe this act of yours is withdrawn from deprivation of your self decency. And again it is your call.

And he did not tell anyone.

Thank God. 

One

At least there is one good thing about him that I am absolutely sure.

He does not smoke.

So he may save the money from that for a bigger thing coming our way.

XOXO

Guys, Do Not Leave Me Alone

There were many of us. The tall, the less developed frame, the over magnified, the sort of figures we used to see and recognize. The moving entities that have accompanied us for one sixth of the time span of our life. The minutes of sweet-filled talks, the hours of hand squeezing, the weeks of inundated emotions interlocked, the months of repetitions of what we used to have every single week, the years of glory and beauty. The time that flew by so fast we were so ignorant we didn’t realize it has gone unnoticed.

How hard we tried to cherish the remaining time of the 24 given hours, we collapsed eventually. On the bed precisely. The exact minute of all good moments stopped to grow and left us with the dreams we invented ourselves.

But that was temporary. The joy of talking and hand squeezing will ensue in a split second right when we opened our eyes. We cried, we yelled, we laughed, we shut our mouth up. We were there. Standing firm and nailed to the ground. We were alive, at least.

And right now we are sleeping yet again. So calming and serene we wish nothing could veer this simply amazing treat. We were so preoccupied with life; we forgot that taking a good rest was all what we needed all this while. We are exhausted and we wish this long night dream never end, or at least someone please gush this tiring feeling away. We had enough so to say.

I wish you guys never sleep. I wish you guys were strong enough to never fell asleep. I wish you guys open your eyes back again.

Because, I wish you all know that it is hard being alone.

To Benjamin, Ridch, The Fame Mey and Farid, stay strong.

I Love You Lot.

Dill

It is this weekend.
The big day for Him. The day of what he looks forward since God knows when.

I may stir some scene. I do not mean to make it harsh, first of all. Just a scene.

Like telling the whole world what He has done to me. Or the details on that undisclosed little feeling he had spared.

He is not alone anymore. Not anymore. I have to spare myself a day or two, just to accept that he is not the one I'll stay with anymore, on the night of cats and dogs, on the night of when I have no place to go, on the cry-day, at times when I need him most.

Well, I have to look for a good present for Him. Or for Them.

Well, for the uncertain many, these words are just another rambling of unknown feeling of mine. But maybe I am turning mad.

A bicycle rides down the hill,
Passes the walls of "Stick No Bill",
How worse this moment I feel,
I know that I love you still

Running Away

That is Saifol in the picture. Indulging himself with Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner.
He has a lot of novels to begin with. And I believe only a few of them have been completely read.
He said this Kite Runner is such an amazing book.
That I have to read it right after he finished.

And he says he hates Amir. I ask him why. He says that sometimes hating someone needs no reason.
It just happens.
And now he hates Amir.

He says that he should not use the word Hate. Because the argument is too strong. So I suggest him for a Loathe instead.

So he loathes Amir.

I just need to read this novel. Because I want to know how does it feel to hate someone with no clear reason.

The Kite Runner is available in the bookstore near you. Need not worry about the stock. Bestsellers are always available.

You can have my words.