Shalt I wish thou good night?

Prior to his departure, everything seemed so bleak, the despair they had to bear, overwhelming. She sat by the chicane, pondering on the words she wanted to pull out. Blanked. She lost her temporary memory. She was contented. Indeed.

"I'm leaving"

"I know, I saw your luggage"

"I don't want to. This is what I have to do. For a better life"

"I know. You said that before"

"You seem unwell. Hit the clinic, shall we?"

"I am completely well. Great. Nothing major"

"You seem so red. Come on. I don't want to leave with you looking like this"

"I said I am okay. Don't have to be worried. You have a lot more to be stuff in your head. Stop worrying on me. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay"

"No you don't"

"Yes, I am not okay. Please don't leave. I can't breathe. All this while I thought I could stand on my own. There will be nothing to stop me from doing every single thing that I loved"

"I have to. I need to move on. Life like this"

"Why you have to when there is a better life looking forward to be reaching upon you?"

"No, I don't see anything"

"Please don't leave. I need you"

"I have to. Get some rest. Good night"

"FUCK. Don't leave me for God's sake"


"I love you"

There was a silence. Everything seemed so quite she couldn't hear anything except her own rantings smashing over her head silently.

"All this while, I keep my own feeling covered. Better not to wish that I've fallen in love with you. You seem not so into me. I remember the day. The day you said no when I asked you out on my ride to Aldeburgh"

"I thought it was a joke. We were about to travel across the country!"

"I think I have to go. It is getting late. Soon it will be foggy"

The night stopped. Like there was nothing revolved again.

She stumbled. And cried.

There would no reason to live for. Maybe for now.

Then she heard a beep. She received a text. She read. She smiled.

"I love you. And always love you. I just want you to be sure what you want in your life. Sorry I am for being so pessimistic. I am sure what I want from my life. It is you what I really need. I will miss you.... so much"

Shalt she withdraw her contemplation. Because this was not really a good time to whisper him good night.


sixtysixty said…
Good Morning Zue,look outside, no more fog. Stand by the window and i want to see sunshine on your hair.
mz ayam said…
"Please don't leave. I need you" - hit me on my forehead. Harsh & needy, but I guess, we've all been there. :(

Hope all is well with you...
M.I.S.S.Y said…
Move on. Make a clean break. There is nothing you can do to change the nature of the loss

hang in to urself...thats what i did..
ZubaidahArshad said…
sixty: I woke up this morning seeing myself smiling. I saw sunshine indeed. Bright and sometimes, I saw them smirking at me. Trembling over my stupid mistake

Mz ayam: You've been there too eh? It sounds so desperate and indeed needy. But that's it. That how does we need to stop everything from moving on. At least, i tried.

Missy: Nature of losing is so aching sometime you don't really want to go into it. But i guess you're right. im hangin on myself keep on believing there'll be a light to end this long winding tunnel of desperation
mz ayam said…
zubaidah - hansac is lelaki buaya darat. :)
read his blog & you'd know his true color.


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