The Night I Listen To Emo Songs

I spent a couple of hours tonight driving. I was lost for directions. I followed the stars and my conscience.

And I got home.

I appreciate life even more. Certainly.

In between lines of words that stitched together in a song, there is an emotion you could not resist to deny. It arises naturally.

And somehow you lost on what to feel.

Because that emotion is interlocked between reality and your made-up fantasy.

I do not know if you do

D. It is written
Slumdog Millionaire, 2008

I am not really sure that is my answer. I guess sometimes, the direction of your life is not drawn like murals on the wall of your fate.

Sometimes, we want that to happen.

And we make believe it's actually the written destiny.

The Ray That Penetrates Deep Inside Your Heart

It was yesterday. I had nothing much to do. My reports done, evaluations done, and I had no jobs in hand.

So I turned the X-Ray on and slot inside my phone.




So this is it. This is how my phone looks like. There you see chips and transistors and whatnot. The invisible ray that defies our ability to see through solid things.

I hope men's eyes are so much like it.

So that there's no need for me to literally tell them how bad do I feel.

Restless

There will be one day in your life that you will feel completely restless. Like taking a full day off, go to workshop and do some makeover to your lovely car, head off to salon, go back home, swim deep into a sea of pillows, and eventually putting a thought or two on whether to tender your resignation or just sail away.

People say an idle mind is the devil's playground. Most of my times here in my current place, I'm mingling with devils of many faces. And to be fairly equal to the statement I have made, I have been part of the devil's company.

I am completely restless.

To be told that you were the one who pulled all people down, was a little put off. And not really sure whether you were the one who might be the cause of all the problems that occurred was another thing to deal with. It was quite an extreme torture.

Like a pin poking up your brain. Or your eyes. And the emotions were all mixed up.

He said that I have gone down the road of total perish. And he did ask me whether this act of nonchalant was derived from the demotivation I had endured because of recent let down.

To tell him in his face was a good meds that I really need. But swallowing down words was a better move, I reckon.

I guess I have made a wise decision.

Demotivate or whatever it is, the excitement to wake up in the morning and to rush down the place you look for money has now swept away. Gone by the wind.

Much thanks for shattering my heart.

This Moth

There's a moth hidden deep inside my belly. The wind from its wings gives me a giddy feel, and am far from be able to distinguish whether to feel intimidated or vice versa.

It has been quite a number of years since I left my alma mater for good. And tomorrow, I'll have a paper to sit. And the day after tomorrow, another one. This is totally new, considering this is one hell of subject I never get acquainted with before.

I just don't like this moth in my belly.

No. I am not nervous.