We are stupid, somehow

It was stupid when you thought that you have found someone that could draw a cute curvy smiley face on you; was someone that nothing less than a complete emotional burden that you have been trying to evade all this while.

Such occurence was so funny, we laughed at ourselves eventually.

I hate you F. For being someone that is totally different from what you used to be.

When

when was the last time that you were badly went haywire? When was the last time that when you looked at his name, you would smile without any clear reason? Could you remember when you saw things, those dimmed items brightened abruptly?

How one describes love? What are the indications or any visual identifications for you to be classified as being in love?

I need medications. Life seems abnormal right now. The abnormality that I guess, I'd love. The changes in life that I think I will cherish - at least until the very moment all these messy things end. So much puddle of problems I've stepped into and then i suppose one major change to the normality I'm having is nothing short of sheer relief I should have, years ago.

Changes could be timid. Changes bound to be dead cold. Changes seem to turn you to something else, far from what you used to be before. Adoring someone is a change. Having someone else wandering in your head is a big change. Having someone else wandering in your head and that someone is someone you adore, is a major change. Having someone else wandering in your head and unfortunately you think you are in love with that someone, is a super massive change.

But having someone wandering in your head and you are just there, thinking all over again about that someone without taking any risk to make it verbalise, to make it obvious that you are actually having someone in your head and you are actually thinking about that someone, is a major turndown.

I am taking my time right now just to show that someone that I am taking care of what that someone is doing, just to exhibit my sincerity towards this invisible bond I try to make.

This Flight

There I was, pretending that everything happened was nothing short of sheer normality, vivid and colorful at some parts of the storyline, dimmed in the middle and darkened through the end. There I was, pretending that the chaos and mayhem I had thrown were a mere little bump on the road; hit and run away.

And I was here, gazing deep into the flickered screen in this dark room, gasping for the damped air, drenched in cold sweat, eyes closed and ears turned deaf. Trying to listen I was to the melody we've created together not so long ago where I sat on your lap, humming the tunes we promised to adhere. Apart from the sweet echo, somehow there was nothing more I can remember. We've promised to adhere, but far from being sorry, I opted to persist.

The moment you caressed me using your barehand, stroking the jagged hair of mine, was the black and white printed photo that glued in my box of memory. How I wish I have that red button of time; shalt I push it, everything halts.

I longed to land my finger on that red button.

I want to stop the moment you touched my lips with yours, the moment of intimacy we've created. The magic you've made. The soothing warm breath that touched the back of my neck, the jovial arms that enclosed my torso and that magnificent chain of words you've lullabied.

For it never happened, the imaginary red button of mine, I just wish I could hold you a little bit longer, so this memory will never stop to shine.