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Showing posts from January, 2008

This flight

There I was, pretending that everything happened was nothing short of sheer normality, vivid and colorful at some parts of the storyline, dimmed in the middle and darkened through the end. There I was, pretending that the chaos and mayhem I had thrown were a mere little bump on the road; hit and run away.

And I am here, gazing deep into the flickered screen in this dark room, gasping for the damped air, drenched in cold sweat, eyes closed and ears turn deaf. Trying to listen I am to the melody we've created together not so long ago where I sat on your lap, humming the tunes we promised to adhere. Apart from the sweet echo, somehow there is nothing more I can remember. We've promised to adhere, but far from being sorry, I opt to persist.

The moment you caressed me using your barehand, stroking the jagged hair of mine, was the black and white printed photo that glued in my box of memory. How I wish I have that red button of time; shalt I push it, everything halts.

I longed to land my finger on that red button.

I want to stop the moment you touched my lips with yours, the moment of intimacy we've created. The magic you've made. The soothing warm breath that touched the back of my neck, the jovial arms that enclosed my torso and that magnificent chain of words you've lullabied. For it never happened, the imaginary red button of mine, I just wish I could hold you a little bit longer, so this memory will never stop to shine.

I shiver

Apart from indulging in the endless pile of works, I prefer to be blasted with bombs. Or
being hit by a taxi.

I see no life in me. I stared my eyes in the mirror last night. It was nothing short of a
pair of dull eyes, decorated with lots of furry eyelashes, ugly lines and spots of massive
pitch black bruises. It was like staring into the eyes of a grim-reaper. Insanely
terrifying.

I was afraid of that. Thoughts of being old and useless rushed into my head. Thoughts of
being stupid and moron and unabled to move with my own limbs surged my heart.
I don't want to die like that.

At least, give me a chance to die with a little respect worn on my body. Thinking of dying,
thinking of leaving all these, thinking of lying alone in the grave is surreptitiously
uncomforting.

I shiver.
.
.
.


God, give me time.